Cet article est disponible en français ici.

19 December 2019 – by Jean Quatorzemer, correspondent of L’Aberration in Brussels

This morning, we welcomed President Emmanuel Macron from France. He shared with us his vision of administrative simplification, public safety and Europe.

Mr. President, this morning the creation of a fourteenth emergency number was proposed – 113…

It’s true. Two years ago, I called for the implementation of a single emergency number 112 for all emergencies, but I then realized that we – the French – are very special, and we deserve more than other countries. As you know, 13 is a sign of bad luck in our country, so we decided to add one more.

Of course, we also believe it is a fantastic idea to add more emergency numbers, but why did you create only one more?

Simply because there are no more numbers available to add!

Well done, really, Mr. President! How did you come to the conclusion of creating this new number for medical emergencies and non-emergencies? How does it make sense?

It’s very simple: we looked at what is done in all the other countries and we realized that the trend is to implement a number for all emergencies – medical, fire, police, etc. – and an additional number for medical non-emergencies. We decided to do the opposite, because once again, we are special and Asterix will keep on fighting the invaders.

Recently, we noticed that you were getting closer to President Putin of Russia. Has President Putin influenced your decision?

I must admit that yes. Getting closer to Russia means getting some distance from the overly simplistic American model with a single number – 911 – for all emergencies. Complicated is the new simple!

But Russia itself is moving towards a single 112 number…

What? (silence – calls political adviser)

You are known as a pro-European progressive, how does this new number fit with your ideology?

It is totally pro-European. All the EU should abandon 112 and move to 113 – it sounds better, works better, and it’s French. I will make sure to add it to the agenda of the next EU Summit in Brussels.

In terms of progress, it is obvious: 14 emergency numbers are more than 13 emergency numbers, and this is where progress and growth lie.

* This is a satire article, but the creation of 113 for medical emergencies and non-emergencies was truly proposed this morning.